All the junk you can stand

So I've been here exactly one week and one day. And I am only just now discovering the fancy feast that is my cable line up! Now granted I've been eagerly and whole-heartedly exploring the other junk fest I want to address briefly here: food. I'm afraid I've given some people the impression that it's been all dumplings and Peking duck since I landed. But not so! I find nothing combats the homesick gloomies better than finding and exploring homestyle food. So I was plenty proactive and hit up the Wellcome supermarket pretty soon upon moving in. I think my first grocery list was something like: trash bags, air freshener (the Asian equiv of the snuggle bear went to the mattresses with that vague lomeiny smell on night 1!), bottled water, beer, and, you guessed it, kids, zero-kCal food reminiscent of home! The only rule is that I'm only allowed to buy ONE thing at a time and have to finish it -- regardless of how lomeiny -- before I can grab anything else. I've been lucky so far. As I said in the last post, the Taiwanese have embraced delectable French desserts like nobody's business. Well, except maybe the panaderias that I still hold so dear. But my first junk food experience was a flat French wafer cookie with a thin chocolate oreo-esque frosting. 

Also popular, and very light but tasty, are those wafer cookies. I went with a "milk" and hazelnut cream filled and wasn't disappointed. They have a thin coating of chocolate and sort of remind me of vacation bible school for some reason. Probably because they were INFAMOUS for cheap cookies LIKE the vanilla, chocolate, and "pink" flavored wafers.At any rate, a good choice. Not sure why so many cookies here have some sort of "milk" theme going, though. It's like they're trying to convince me that my junky indulgences are good for me.

My latest purchase was an Oreo knockoff. Not to say that all sorts of Oreo products aren't available -- you can even get the chocolate and mint frosting ones. But then, when in Rome one really SHOULD try the Roman oreos, right? If you've ever been a poor college student and gone the knockoff Hydrox route, then you know pretty much how these taste. So I'm gonna give Imei's the "Saturday morning toons and milk" seal of approval.

On the savory side, and I'm sorry I didn't take a pic, were Lays Potato Chips. Fried chicken flavor. Now I was torn at the time between "Spicy Pork" and "Fried Chicken," but I felt like either way I wasn't gonna lose. I just HAD to know what fried chicken potato chips tasted like. And the answer? Vaguely like fried chicken. Kinda like if you had plain chips with your KFC (which, for those of you interested, the DO actually have here). As a side note, I will say that the Taiwanese do seem to love their fried chicken in a way that the South would find endearing. It's huge! Often it's pounded out sort of thin -- not quite milanesa thin though -- and breaded with some seasoning that might include a little bit of star anise? Not quite sure there. Only to say that it's quite a nice addition to the recipe and another reason why I'll probably need a crane to help me off this island. Oh, and not to worry -- the supermarket had PLENTY of chips in stock. So yeah. Spicy Pork Lays Potato Chips review coming at you from a Snuggly Cactus near you.

Ok, so on to TV. I HAVE turned the stupid thing on, but the subtitles just remind me I'm as illiterate as I was at age 3, so I usually pop in a movie or something. But I have noticed a few familiar shows. Supernatural comes on in the morning just as it does back stateside. What's that about, anyway? People like watching demon-slaying over their morning coffee??  But my 10 p.m. review is something like this:

• Some guy and chick talking... A sign in the background says "economy". Oh. And knowledge. I guessed it was a political thing except the graphics are now showing an angel and MBA keeps popping up amongst characters I still can't read.
• Ooh CNN! Can't believe I didn't know that was there!
• Soap opera. Okay I'm gonna start the tally now. I. I know it's a s.o. as there's a girl saying passionately "Pa-pa!" and a guy saying something about NOT "Pa-pa!"
• Religious TV. Buddhist I think. I already know there are several of these .
• historical soap opera? Or comedy? Or romance??? Not sure. 
• Like creepy life-like puppets?!?! And ALSO some sort of historical theme. Really. Weird. I can't watch anymore. I'm sorry. I don't know what it is, but it will probably give me nightmares. The sacrifices I make for your edification!

Alright. So now I'm totally horrified and I'm gonna have to run through a whole bunch of TV and FAST to wash that one out, so the rest will be a quicky recap... news,news, ??, talk show with interracial couple, news, Nat Geo (! so excited), DISCOVERY(! wow oh why hadn't I done this sooner), TLC, Animal Planet (in Chinese tho), Chinese Disneytm Channel (some kind of hokey hs musical looking crap idk...), Cartoon Network, knockoff Cartoon Network, knockoff CN 2, talk show, s.o., weird country music with Asian family... oh of course it's a Ford Escape commercial, gonna go with Eastern Jay Leno with wacky sound effects in the back drop, UM totally over-the top-soft-core-oh-no-i-think-its-a-mattress-info-mercial???

Ok, enough is enough. I've gone through like 35 channels of 100. And this mattress commercial is going to require A LOT more study. It's like a home shopping network, but... What the...??!?!! Now they've put wine glasses on it and this dorky guy is jumping up and down?!!?!  Anyway, sufficed to say, a LOT of channels. In case you were worried that moving to Taiwan would ever stifle a Snuggly Cactus' access to junk, be assuaged, dear reader: I'm in stockings and gin with Imei cookies, fried chicken flavored chips, and mattress commercials.